Issue 13 - Spring 2020
Humans are habitual creatures. We like the sense of comfort that habits provide and how effortlessly we can complete them, knowing we have done it before. Habits can be a great thing – planning your daily tasks every morning or looking after your skin before bed. But what do we do when our habits turn bad? Professional Development Consultant, Paul Dicker gives us his top tips on how to banish our bad habits for good.
Habits are loops that are repeated automatically. They are triggered by cues which lead us to behave in certain ways. For example, you flop on the couch to watch some television and reach for a family size bag of sweets. Your reward for this behaviour manifests itself in feeling good, temporarily at least. It’s this short term good feeling that encourages you to repeat the habit and in this case you come to associate watching television with snacking.
Occasional slips into bad practices like this can soon become a bad habit, which can be very difficult to change; but experience has taught me that a few key practices can help us all in eliminating bad habits and forming good ones.
An important first step is to really understand why you want to change the habit in the first place. How will it help you to achieve your goals? How does this align with your values and help you become the person you really want to be?
Becoming more aware of your habits is also very important. It is good practice to reflect daily on repeated behaviours and consider which ones are working for you and which are not. Why do you engage in these behaviours in the first place? Most bad habits are formed as a result of boredom or stress, so tracking the number of times you engage in a habit can help you to see how much of an issue this behaviour has become.
Additionally, it’s not simply a matter of stopping a bad habit. You need to replace your bad habit with an alternative that gives you a similar benefit, such as going for a walk to relieve stress rather than reaching for that glass of wine. If a vacuum is left then the bad habit is likely to re-emerge.
Ask yourself; are you really clear as to why this habit will be of benefit? Do you really want this to manifest itself in your life? Remember start small, track progress and reward yourself when you have reached a number of days where you have not indulged the habit. I love reading so often my reward to myself is to browse my favourite bookshop and treat myself to a book (or two if I’ve been really good!). However, you need to ensure that the reward itself doesn’t undermine your overall goal – for example, celebrating your first 5k run with a beer or glass of prosecco! It doesn’t matter how small the change is, as long as you are making progress. As these smaller steps are accomplished, you will be motivated by your success and inspired to continue on your journey towards your goal.
Conventional wisdom suggests that it takes around 28 days to break a habit, but I believe from my own experience and those I coach that this is too simplistic and that the time it takes can depend on the individual, the habit and the context. What is certain though is that the first few days will be the hardest as you experience the withdrawal from existing bad habits. Regardless of the time it takes, what is important is to recognise that the most successful way to break a bad habit is through repetition and consistency.
If you stumble along the way to forming new good habits (as we are all prone to do) then you need to acknowledge this has happened, forgive yourself and get straight back into it .Many of us take the view that “well my hand’s in the cookie jar now. I may as well eat them all and start my new habit again on Monday!”; rather than removing the hand, exploring what triggered the relapse, and returning immediately to the new good habit. You can often fall into the trap of overly focusing on perfect outcomes and sometimes you conveniently allow yourself to believe that once a good behaviour is broken, it doesn’t matter whether it’s broken by a little or a lot. It does. Better to fail small rather than fail big.
Setbacks are entirely normal and you should expect them. When you feel that need to perform your bad habit, you should pause and become aware of what might have triggered it and recognise that you have a choice as to whether you want to succumb to it or ride it out. Surf the Urge! You also need to be kind to yourself.
Research has shown that those who show compassion toward themselves in the face of small slip ups are better able to regain their self-control and get back on track than those who indulge in self-recrimination and shame. Recognise that a slip up isn’t failure. You don’t have to continue giving in because you gave in once. What’s important is how quickly you recover, learn from it and keep moving forward.
It’s also helpful to build networks of people that have similar goals and values to you. They are likely to be practising the good habits you want to form. Making yourself accountable to others can be a help too. Telling friends and family about your plan to break a habit can help you with your new commitment to change. Find role models; listen to inspiring podcasts, read books and become fascinated with the practice of self-improvement. My favourite reads around habit formation are Gretchen Rubin’s: Better Than Before; Stephen Covey’s: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Charles Duhigg’s: The Power of Habit. ;
Finally, I believe it’s important to enjoy the journey of self-improvement rather than allowing yourself to be happy only when you have reached your final destination. I have seen first-hand the powerful way in which implementing a few simple practices can help form strong good habits and help us along our path to a rich, full and rewarding life.
Paul is committed to helping individuals perform at their very best and in the process finding greater fulfilment in their professional and personal lives. Find out more at pauldickerconsulting.com
